finlay_flynn: (a mess)
[personal profile] finlay_flynn
I've stopped eating.

I'm not on a hunger strike or anything, it's not a choice I've made, I just- Don't eat. I look at food and suddenly my stomach's like a lead weight inside me. So I don't eat. I just make another cup of tea. It's happened before, after the abduction, after losing my sight... Trauma will do it, and I suppose that's what this is. The breaking of the bond, Will's death and rebirth, it was traumatic, and my body is rebelling against it.

Yesterday I ate nothing. Today I've had a cup of tea. It's starting to make me sick.

At lunch I forced down a granola bar, because one day without food is stupid, but two and it's a problem. I didn't taste it, didn't want it, I just kept imaging Hex telling me to eat something until finally it was gone. Dinner was a little bag of crisps. Pitiful. I need to get this sorted before I go home. I can't come back to London more broken than I left. I can't let everyone down. I can't be the victim anymore. I'm a fucking prince, I need to be a fucking prince. ...I should call Pippa.

I can't call Pippa.

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Finlay Alexander Flynn

August 2017

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