Jun. 27th, 2017

finlay_flynn: (music)
I went out tonight. I wasn't going to, but the city was singing to me, begging me to wander its streets. This bar was playing Leonard Cohen as I walked by, and instead of continuing on I found myself heading inside. Two beers in and I was chatting with someone. He was tall, blonde hair and tan skin. Very American looking, with those perfect teeth and smile that was just a bit too wide. He knew who I was, he knew I knew, but we never mentioned it.

I think he wanted to come home with me, but he didn't ask, and I made no move to invite him. I'm not ready for intimacy, I'm not there yet.

This mark on my back has done something though, that manic lust my magic once inspired in people seems to be gone. There's no grabbing anymore, no strangers staring me down like they'd enjoy peeling off my skin, bit by bit. When I talk to people, and there's that moment of connection, it feels real now. I made that connection, not my magic. It's mine.

I'm mine again.

I bought a cheap laptop, the keys are uncomfortably soft under my fingers but they get my words out just fine. I looked at my email for the first time since leaving London, and it was too much- Too many questions, too much panic. I sent my management team a two line email. I don't imagine they'll be impressed.

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finlay_flynn: (Default)
Finlay Alexander Flynn

August 2017

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